So, I did it.
Immediately after my last post (here), I went ahead and deleted Facebook and Messenger from my phone…and let me tell you folks, it was the BEST DECISION I could have ever made.
I knew that I had a problem. I knew, and would catch myself, mindlessly staring at Facebook and scrolling through the Newsfeed while at home. I was missing out on life. Even though I thought that it wasn’t a big deal, my kids noticed.
Now that I don’t have it, I am so much more aware and catch how often they are looking at me….soaking in my every move….seeing how I interpret the world teaches them, through example, how to do the same. What was I teaching them? That I had been away from them all day at work…and now that we are together, my phone is more important? What a bitch move, on my part.
I chose to be in A’s life, and yet, with what little time we have her, I was always looking at my phone. We chose to become parents again, and still, I was looking at Facebook while some TV show was on just to have a minute to myself. Our kids did not ask to be in this life….we made the decision….we need to show them that they matter.
I’ll be honest…the first day or so was really weird. What was I to do with myself? If we were all watching a movie together or a show, my initial reaction was to flip through Facebook….now, I actually watch the movie or the show. What a novel idea!
There are a few things that I’ve noticed now that I have divorced Facebook from my phone.
(1) I am more patient with J (well, at least that’s my perception…ask Husband if this is actually so). Because I am not “interrupted” by J when I’m in the middle of snooping on others’ lives, I just take his requests as they come and love to jump down on the floor and play trucks.
(2) J’s behavior is shifting. In the morning when we are snuggled on the couch, he has my full snuggle (not one hand on the phone). I catch him looking at me more and smiling. When he turns his head toward me, he already has my undivided attention and doesn’t have to say, “Mama” to get me to notice. He is not competing anymore – or using bad behavior to get attention. To him, bad attention is still attention.
(3) I don’t care about what’s going on in your life. Wow, sorry, that sounds mean. I do care about you. Really, I do, but I don’t care about the stuff you put on Facebook. I care about YOU, your family, your life, your work, your stress…the things we talk about when we see each other, or when we chat on the phone, or even through a text that just says I’m thinking about you. I don’t care about the mindlessness of it all, and it’s really nice to be disconnected from that.
It’s amazing to me that with the amount of technology we have and all of these different “social media” sites how less social we really are. We have hundreds of “friends” or “followers” but how many of those do we really impact? How many of those do we truly love and care about? Yes, it’s nice to get all of those “Happy Birthday” messages on your Facebook wall, but out of those, who is really calling you or stopping by to say Happy Birthday?
Those are the people we should be focused on. Not the drama or passive aggressive posts that do nothing to improve our lives.
It’s been nothing but a positive change for me and it’ll continue to get better from here!