For the mamas….

Proof that he knew how to sleep. Jude, approximately 1 month.
Proof that he knew how to sleep. J, approximately 1 month.

To all of my fellow mamas who are up rocking at all hours of the night….it doesn’t last forever.

To my fellow mamas who are smiling through tears as you wonder “why doesn’t s/he sleep?” …. it doesn’t last forever.

To my fellow mamas who are just wishing, that your beautiful babe will just lay down, or doesn’t need to be rocked, or nursed, or comforted at 2 a.m. … it doesn’t last forever.

I am speaking to you from the other side. 

And in all honesty, there are fragments of my being that miss it dearly.

I know you may think that I’m crazy…but it is true. When the fleeting moment passes that your babe is FINALLY sleeping through the night, or doesn’t need to be rocked, or sung to just so, you will feel not only a sigh of relief, but also experience such a deep pain you hadn’t expected.

You are not alone.

I was fortunate. I had an easy pregnancy and a labor/delivery that made me ready to have another one the next day (shhh, don’t tell my Husband). But after that…it was a rough battle. I had issues nursing. But damn it, I was stubborn and was bound and determined to make it work. And we did….we found our rhythm through lots of days/nights/weekends/evening/early afternoon tears. We did it. But he didn’t sleep.

He would wake, I would nurse, rock, and put back to sleep. He would cry. I did not agree with cry it out, so I would pick him back up, soothe and rock or soothe and walk around until he would fall back asleep. Then, I would ever-so-gently lower him back into his crib as to not do disturb his slumber.

2.5 years old
2.5 years old

This happened a lot. Sometimes every 45 minutes he would wake. I cried.

To my fellow mamas, it is OKAY to cry. You are not alone, even though you may feel like you are….even though your partner is RIGHT THERE and you feel all alone. I hear you – and you are not alone.

It was two years until J slept through the night. Two. Long. Years. But now it feels like a lifetime ago. He slowly started needing me less and less. It started with pushing me away while trying to nurse him one week before his first birthday. I was determined to make it a year, and yet he had other plans. Then it moved to him needing to be rocked to sleep every night. Then to me sitting in his room while he fell asleep. To how it is now….

We read a story. I turn off the lights. I give him as many kisses as he lets me. Say good night. Wish each other sweet dreams. And I close the door.

This smile makes all of the tears worth it. (Fall 2014)
This smile makes all of the tears worth it. (Fall 2014)

Now, instead of dreading having to rock him to sleep, I yearn for it. At almost three years old, he is more focused on trucks, and jumping, and making up songs, and running until he can’t anymore. To get him to slow down and snuggle is damn near impossible.

What you are going through doesn’t last forever. I know you have heard it a million times before, but take a deep breath and acknowledge that it is hard, but try to find the slight bit of comfort knowing that when you blink, it’ll pass. And what seems like a never ending battle quickly fleets to being nothing but a memory.

I have survived and you will too.

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