My body is conspiring against me.

As I mentioned in an earlier post about the boob juice, breastfeeding certainly has not been the easiest thing for me. But, I’ve been bound and determined to make it work. Yes, it’s the best thing for your little one, but it is also the economical choice.

When I was pregnant with little man, I had my mind made up. My goal was to make it to a year. And with each passing month day, it has been a struggle. For those of you who have breastfed, or are the partner of someone who has, or been a supporter, you probably have witnessed just how difficult it is.

For some it may come easier. I was not that fortunate. I guess I can’t complain too much…I had the BEST pregnancy. I was very lucky that it was a breeze. Hell, even labor/delivery wasn’t as bad as I was expecting (sorry for those who didn’t have it that way). But, this must be life’s plan at getting back at me for the easy pregnancy…making breastfeeding seem damn near impossible.

But, with every set back and every hurdle, we persevered.

At 10 months, we’ve overcome (most) of the frustrations and have a great nursing relationship. I’ve been bit, pinched, punched, kicked (in the face), and yet, it is still something that I cherish. At night, in the dark of his room…just cradling and rocking him…I wouldn’t have it any other way.

And wouldn’t it just be my damn luck that now that things are going well again…another hurdle rears it’s ugly head: I think our nursing days are coming to an end. I am just not producing as much as I was.

I’m torn. Part of me has been looking forward to this. I get to have my body back…and the biggest joy to come from weaning: NO MORE PUMPING…WOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOO. Sorry, just a tad excited about that. I HATE and I mean HATE HATE HATE pumping. Hate.

But with this new milestone, I am overcome with sadness. And in all honesty, I think that is weighing on me more than being done with pumping. My little guy is growing up way too fast. I feel that I am letting myself, and him, down by not being able to make it to a year. For those that know me, when I set my mind to something, I will move heaven and Earth to achieve it…but I think this may just be out of my control.

However, just because it has been a rough couple of days doesn’t mean I’m giving up. I am going to up my water intake and continue to nurse for as long as I can.

It’s funny…for how long I’ve been looking forward to being done with this phase….I am actually dreading it. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE watching him grow and learn and discover new things every day and I am not one to be sad about his development…I was just hoping that our Mama/J time would last a little longer.

5 thoughts on “My body is conspiring against me.

  1. It’s a love/hate relationship- that breastfeeding business… but i know blessed thistle and fenugreek supplements seemed to increase people’s supply in our nursing group.. just a thought!

  2. Hang in there Mama! Things may seem tough now but they will get better. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself and take each day at a time. I am in the process of weaning my 30 month old… My goal was never to nurse for this long… It just sort of happened. Loved this post! Peace Mama!

  3. Your body produces as much as your little guy needs and demands. Don’t sweat it. As long as he’s nursing, you’re producing! It might not feel like you’re very full just because your body had been adjusting and his milk needs are changing. Keep going!! As long as you’re putting him to the boob, he’s getting enough milk!

  4. Congrats on making it 10 months!! That is awesome! There are some alternatives as well. You can do breast and formula if he will take both. Your bond with him won’t change. You will still hold him the same way that you do when you nurse. Don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re doing an excellent job!

    1. Just a thought…don’t hesitate to increase fluids, and don’t discount the benefits of … yes…fermentation…like beer! Not only does it relax, but it’s a wonder for milk production…that fermentation, volume of fluid and deep nourishment of hops, barley, etc. is fantastic…not talking Budweiser..I’m talking solid, English/Irish beers – a meal in a glass…think Guinness…look it up…kid you not and love you awful! Happy Mother’s Day, you wonderful Mum!

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